My First hindi Movie

I was working on a movie theater client, so we got treated to a PVR gold class movie to introduce the gora in the office to the Indian cinema.
I was pretty frikkin amped. An afternoon out of the office, a promise of 'better than first class' movie seats with a waiter bringing you nachos and cocktails AND my first Hindi movie.

The only movie showing on the day was Kal Kisne Dekha.
From the movie poster it looked like a Bollywood version of high School Musical but with college students. It pretty much was.
I had to keep my hand over my mouth to prevent the outbursts of laughter.
My favourite scene was when the 'hero' beats up the college bullies with a soccer ball. He kicks the ball into their chests, they fall down and the ball having bounced off them returns directly back to his foot so that he can get the next guy.
It was hysterical. Hysterically bad.
The copywriter I went with was cowering in embarassment. I'm not sure if it was because of my laughter or because of the movie, I'm guessing the movie as there were only 4 other people in the theater.
Even though there were no English subtitles and the entire dialogue was in Hindi, I could totally follow the story: Poor and lazy guy leaves his mother's village to go to college, makes friends with the 'cool nerds', falls in love with the prettiest girl in the class, sings a song, beats up the bullies (with a soccer ball), prettiest girl in the class falls in love with him after realising how masculine he is with a soccer ball, he realises there's a plot to blow something up, develops a gift to see into the future, stops the bomb while saving the heroine, beats up the bad guy, saves the day, leaves with the prettiest girl in the class to enjoy the rest of his life.

Even though it was an awful movie, I love it. I have never seen such a mix of movie genres. Just like the music playlists in India, a movie has no specific genre, it is not a drama or a romantic comedy or an action movie or a sci-fi, or a thriller, it is all of the above. A mad mixture where there is space for everything.
A dramatic sci-fi-rom-com-action-thriller. Fabulous!

The other thing that I loved was that part of it was shot in Cape Town. About 15% of the movie was shot on Jammie Steps at The University of Cape Town and there was a long scene on Glen Beach with the 12 apostles in the background. I was jumping out of my seat in excitement to see my home on the Indian Cinema screen.

All in all a fantastic experience.

I have now watched a bunch of excellent hindi movies and am glad to report that it competes with Hollywood in the best of movies as well as the worst.

The language barrier

Not having put effort into learning Hindi after living in Delhi for almost 8 months is possibly the stupidest thing I have ever done. I mean I went to Spain for 1 month and did a 2 month long Spanish course after hours. I move to a foreign country and don't prepare at all. What was I thinking?
It really is an unnecessary burden to put on oneself.
The basic things are fine, I get by, as English is very widely spoken in India, but a few circumstances cause a major problem:

1. Calling a taxi: I have to rely on colleagues to give taxi drivers my office address. Everyday I apologetically ask someone to speak to the person coming to pick me up.
2. I often get phone calls from companies or people offering a service and they rattle off to me in Hindi and I have to say: Sorry, no Hindi, only English. Usually what happens is that I get the phone put down on me the moment the words have left my mouth.
3. I work in an all Indian office, and when sitting around after a meeting or during lunch, the natural tendency is to slip into the language they are most comfortable with. Countless times I have been in a client meeting where everyone else is laughing and making jokes in Hindi and I sit there with a half goofy smile on my face, having no idea what's going on, and then afterwards having to ask for an explanation of the joke. At first I assumed that everyone was talking about me in Hindi, ridiculous, I know, but it's a natural thing to feel when you are completely left out of something.

This has really been a huge mistake on my behalf and I am writing this post to publicly state that I am an idiot. And hopefully by publicly stating it, I will be held to the promise that I am going to learn some conversational Hindi.
Challenge accepted!

Traveling through time via an Indian playlist

My understanding of how a DJ does their job is that they would pick a genre, or a style or an era that will set the tone for the evening. Not in India...

A few nights ago, Laura (our new house mate from the W&K office in London) and I went for a drink to Magique (a fantastic restaurant in the Garden of 5 Senses).
Our one drink turned into many and the music started getting loud enough to notice.
The songs went directly from Dolly Parton to Vanilla Ice to Tom Jones to Bob Marley... All great songs, sure, but what is the genre, what is the tone, what is the era?
On asking the DJ what was up, he told us in shock that of course he had a theme for the evening. He plays everything that is old!

After this experience I started taking note of playlists wherever I went.
In a coffee shop over lunch hour, reading my book this was the playlist:
1. Hindi song.
2. My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
3. Foo Fighters, The best of you.
4. Enrique Iglesias, unknown song name
5. Will Smith, Getting Jiggy with it
Each song had a different era, a different beat, a different tone. I would guess that if I asked, I would get the response: Of course there's a theme, music that people like.

Once again, I learn that India does not function like anywhere else in the world. It has its own style, its own unique way, which seems to be what ever it wants at the time. Gotta love that!

SA vs INDIA in PDI (power distance index)

I have just finished reading Malcolm Gladwell's third book: Outliers.
A very interesting look at the story of success. My favourite part was about the PDI (power Distance Index) of different countries. I am going to very basically try and describe what was said in this part of the book for the sake of my point.
PDI basically describes how a person views their superior. In some cultures like America, a superior and a subordinate are seen relatively equally and if a subordinate thinks their superior is making a mistake they will generally inform them of this (low PDI), where as in other countries where a superior is revered and respected beyond ordinary levels of behaviour this will not be the case (high PDI).
From my experience of being a South African (which is third on the lists of countries with a low PDI) working in India (which has a high PDI), this section of the book was a revelation.
When I first started working here, I obviously had no idea of the cultural norms in terms of hierarchy and superior vs subordinates. I arrived behaving as I would in a South African office. This could have been a mistake on my part as I think you should try and fit in with the culture you are living in to some extent, but I now realise how long it actually takes to even have a small understanding of a culture as complex as India's.
My natural way of functioning in an ad agency is to argue the merits of something I believed in. When presenting work to a superior I would express my opinion. I even got into a couple of heated discussions with a superior when I disagreed with them.
Most of the time I was met with a look of shock. Not angry shock, but disbelieving shock.
How could this 'little girl' be questioning what her superior is saying instead of nodding in acceptance and appreciation for the opinions given. I noticed that most people around me would never argue with their boss, never mind their bosses boss.
This situation really aggravated and upset me. Until I read Outliers. It was not a personal attack, it was just my culture conflicting with theirs. I was doing something unusual.
I think that as time has gone by I have been accepted and am appreciated for my attitude and contribution just as much as I have learnt to show even more respect to superiority than I normally would.
Thanks for clearing that up for me Mr Gladwell!

Tips on living in Delhi, India

Here is a copy of the emails I sent to a friend before she moved here. If you are moving to India any time soon, they will be helpful. There is a lot to do and figure out. Things seem complicated. The more you know, the easier it will be.
We have looked for apartments twice and both times landed up spending more than we expected.
The following is for a 3 bedroom apartment:
For a basically furnished or an 'Indian' style furnished place, you are looking to spend between Rs40 000 - Rs100 000
For a high standard of western style furnishings, you are looking at spending above Rs80 000 depending on the area.
For about Rs150 000 you can get an amazing apartment that is furnished beautifully. There is also the option of looking into serviced apartments. This means that they provide maid, linen service, internet, tv... all inclusive. I am not sure the costs of this but would imagine it is expensive, but probably worth it, as it will save you a lot of admin. We have consistent problems with Tata Sky, Airtel and even had our electricity cut off when we had never received a bill. And a last option is to look into a farm house. These are about 30 mins out of central delhi, but if you can afford it, they are amazing. Big houses on a large piece of land. Again, this all depends on the area. A 2 bedroom apartment was very difficult to find. Be very very clear what you want when speaking to an agent. I have seen some of the most awful apartments as I was not sure what I wanted. We saw 35 apartments the first time and 20 the second. Name you budget clearly (maybe even state your budget a bit lower than the real one, as you will usually be shown stuff for 10 to 20 thousand more than you said) and say that you don’t want to see anything that is old and run down. A good thing I did was take photos and notes of each place so that we could remember and make the decision after. I am a little crazy like that, but it did help a lot with the decision.
The first apartment we got had huge windows and a lot of light. This was wonderful until it got hot. The AC’s could barely cool the apartment during the day. Make sure the apartment is not near a school. Our first one was and the schools start early and they are noisy. There are a lot of schools and they are hard to spot. Schools are also often open on Saturdays. And closed windows do not keep the sound out. A lot of apartments are not built as brilliantly as you would hope, so check for gaps in the doors.
Also try get one road away from a busy intersection. Visit your potential apartment in the morning as well as the evening to see what the noise, traffic, safety… is like. We were living in Defence Colony for 4 months. It is very nice and the market is great.
Other areas to look at are Safdarjung enclave, Hauz Khas, Panscheel Park, GK 1, GK2, SDA, Saket, Souh Extension 1, South Extension 2. All in South Delhi
Proximity to where you work is very important. If you are traveling a lot, it might be a good idea to look at something that isn;t too far from the domestic airport. This is the lady who helped us with looking at apartments and with the FRRO when we first arrived: Doris Delessard: +91 987331445 She is a relocation agent and can help you with a lot of other things as well. The second time we looked for apartments we found a place through Abhi: +91 99 99 606901 Most estate agents charge a 1 month finders fee and you will probably have to put down a 1-2 month deposit.
Be careful if you are here temporarily, most landlords want a lock in period of minimum 6 months. We have refused this as we were on a trial period with the company. I would highly advise buying a car and finding a driver if you can. Taxis are expensive and a pain to organise. Autos are almost unbearable in the heat. Easycabs is a taxi I use, their number is 011 43434343. Also Megacab are reliable: 011 41 41 41 41 I would definitely bring stuff with you. Creams are only a bit more expensive than SA, but because of the heat you often find that they have curdled and can't be used. Things like make up remover wipes are hard to find unless you like mint and orange scented ones. I brought with me: sunscreen, facewash, moisturiser, shampoo & conditioner, perfume, medicine (very hard to find the things you are used to - Corenza C, myprodol...) Your ordinary things like lux, pantene, hand soap, washing powder, deoderant... are readily available. Most things are actually available, but it takes long to figure out where to get what and how. If you have a driver and a cleaning/cooking person they are usually very helpful. It is very hot here at the moment and because you are going to be in and out of a car looking at apartments I would bring very, very light clothes that aren't revealing. We had to get a lot of shots before we came. If you go to a travel clinic they will tell you what you need. You will usually need booster shots after being here for a few months. We stupidly forgot. Most private hospitals will be able to do this for you. Max Hospital in Saket, near the Select City Walk mall is good. When you get here, don't eat anything raw at all. Especially in 5 star restaurants. Dan and I both got Delhi Belly from eating salads in 5 star restaurants. We slowly weaned ourselves onto raw food. I only ate fruit with skin for the first while. Wash other fruit in salted water. Cooked stuff is all fine. Don't drink the tap water (obviously). If you are in the sun a lot apparently you should put a bit of sugar, salt and lemon juice in your water bottle.
Basic beginner words:
Hello: Namaste
Thank you: Dha-nia-vad
Sir: Gee
Water: Paanee
Food: Chapatee
Let's go: Chalo
Tea: Chai
Goodbye: Alvi-dah
All the spelling is incorrect, but should help you pronounce the words.
If you get an unfurnished apartment, there are only a few immediate necessities. A fridge: In Gurgaon at the Ambience mall on the top floor is an excellent electronic shop. They have everything you will need. A bed: You can get cheap beds made in seven days at Amar colony, furniture market. They do not look great, but work fine. Sharma Farm in Chattarpur will also make bed for you in 1-2 weeks. They are excellent quality and medium priced. Yuninet and Dillinet are excellent places to get second hand furniture. It is an expat community group on Yahoo, once joining you will receive an email a day with requests and offers from other ex pats about furniture sales, drivers and house keepers to recommend and a lot of other important stuff. You will also be able to post your own requests and offers. I have found Hindi teachers, yoga teachers, furniture… through these sites. Springwell make really good mattresses and you can get a basic one for about Rs12 000. Springwell outlets are all over the place. Just driving around you will see mattresses for sale everywhere. I bought mine in a mall in Gurgaon, but they are standard sizes, qualities and prices. A water filter or large 20 litre bottled water: In Gurgaon at the Ambience mall on the top floor is an excellent electronic shop. They have everything you will need. For Bottled water, you will need to find the local person in the area you are living in. A simple dispenser can be found in market all purpose shops. The best one of these that I have been to is The Defence Store in the Defence Colony Market. AC’s: In Gurgaon at the Ambience mall on the top floor is an excellent electronic shop. They have everything you will need. We have window AC’s which are decent, but take a bit longer to cool the room and are noisy, but the price difference is huge. You can get them for between Rs12 000 and Rs 25 000. The next most important thing you will need to do, if you have not done it yet is hire someone to cook and clean for you. We have a woman who comes three times a week and does laundry, cooking cleaning, shopping. It makes living in this crazy place a lot easier as it takes time to figure out where to get what and what is safe to eat and how to get water... Yuninet is the best place to get a recommended person. I found an excellent woman via Yuninet. The people that come recommended speak English and are used to working with foreigners. English is essential, but it does come at a cost. Local people will think you are crazy for paying someone more that Rs4000 - Rs5000 per month for 6 days a week. I found it impossible to find someone this cheap. I also am not used to having someone in my apartment all the time, so I prefer to go part time. I think the average you should be looking to pay a permanent person is about Rs7000 – Rs8000 per month. The best thing you can do on arrival is find the local market, they can normally be found in most areas. Having an apartment close to one is useful. Spend some time finding out where everything is. Where to get fresh milk (a Mother Dairy store), where to get mobile airtime, where to get fruit, where to get groceries, if there’s a 24 hour shop… most of your basics are usually there.
Otherwise a lot can be found in the malls. The one I like the most is Select City Walk in Saket. The prices are higher than markets. Anything imported is very expensive, anything local is cheap. Alcohol is very expensive. When in a restaurant or bar add on 20% tax to the price in the menu. Buying alcohol yourself is cheaper. There is usually a alcohol shop near the markets.
Hope that helps!

A marble bed

For approximately 30 to 60 minutes a day this is where I lie:Load shedding in India puts South Africa's electrical issues to shame.
About 5 times a week, the power goes off in my apartment for about 45 minutes to an hour. This usually happens at 8 in the evening, soon after I've arrived home to a steaming apartment which has been deprived of AC all day. About 10 minutes after I have settled in front of the TV, there is a power surge - the TV, lights and my heart flicker.
Then, black.
A unanimous groan can be heard from all the residents of our colony. Once my own personal groan has been expelled, I get up, fetch my pillow and plonk myself flat down on the marble floor and wait. I have grown to love my marble floor. It is cool even on 45 degree days and just like it retains the cool, it helps me retain the little bit of sanity I have left after a crazy day in Delhi.

The quintessential Indian moment

The other day, I was swimming lengths in the pool where I have a membership. The pool is 25 meters long and about 3 lanes wide.
With me were 2 other length swimmers. For 15 minutes the three of us were harmoniously swimming lengths together. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a fourth man approaching the pool. I thought: Damn, now I will have to swim closer to the wall, but no matter, we are all friend here, and I moved over.
This relatively fit looking 45ish year old man, gets in the pool and without a glance in anyone's direction and without a regard for the 'You were here first, so I'll do it your way' rule, starts swimming widths.
The pool is only about 8 meters wide, so how could he think of this as worth while exercise? I might have forgiven him if he was an incompetent swimmer, but he was doing alright from what I could see.
Every time I got to the point when I'd just done a tumble turn, my trajectory was disturbed by a pair of very hairy men's legs and I had to break the surface earlier than expected and gasp for air and in exasperation.

Please, please, please will someone explain this behavior to me.
Why do people in India do things like this? I am desperate to know. Maybe once I understand the thinking, I will be able to accept it and not get so annoyed. I mean it, you will be doing me a BIG favour if you can answer this question.

The Ghats of Ganga Ji

Creative Parking

Angelina jolie endorses Lipo-Sculpture in India

When I tore this out of the newspaper this morning, a few things crossed my mind:

1. If Angie is doing it, it must work.
2. Does she really need the cash that bad? Maybe the cost of looking after 6 kids is taking it's toll.
3. Did she even make a buck out of this endorsement?
5. Didn't I see Jennifer Aniston's face on a hair removal cream ad the other day?
4. How do people get away with putting a person's face in their ad without permission.
5. This is India.

Titles to blow your undergarments off.

These are the most extravagant, reaching for the stars, titles of books I have ever seen.
They can be found all over Delhi in tiny second hand bookstores with millions of books. Books you never imagined existed. Books packed from floor to ceiling. Books to fill a life time. And with titles like these... what a life time!

In case you can't read them, here they are:

1. The Greek Tycoon's Disobedient Bride
2. The Ruthless Magnate's Virgin Mistress
3. The Mediterranean Billionaire's Blackmail Bargain
4. Ruthlessly bedded my the Italian Billionaire
5. The Billionaire Boss's Secretary Bride
6. Virgin Mistress, Scandalous Love Child
7. Pregnant: Father Wanted
And my favourite
8. Taken for Revenge, Bedded for Pleasure

The jacket of 'The Greek Tycoon's Disobedient Bride' reads:

Bought: one house, one wife!
It amazed Ophelia that Lysander Metaxis - a Greek billionaire notorious for his harem of adoring women - wanted to marry her, a humble gardener with a crumbling old manor house and debt up to her ears...
But soon she realised Lysander didn't want her - he wanted her property and her body. But marry him she would - because she had no choice if she wanted to keep what she cherished most... And disobedient she would be - because her new husband had no intention of loving her.

It's a sign!

As previously demonstrated in The Himalayan Road Signs post, there seems to be a really cool underground cult of 'sign humour' in India. I have started a little collection. Some of the humour seems intentional, some not, or maybe they just want you to think it's unintentional, or maybe they just want you to think it's intentional as they never realised how funny it was when they wrote it... hmmm. There shall be more of this to come.

DO NOT SPIT

Spitting.
I never thought this topic would be of any interest to me. But, here I am thinking about it. Where does the need to spit come from? Do the plants need watering? Do the roads look too dry? Is there a bad taste in your mouth? Are you just angry? Would I also spit constantly if I didn't think it was un-lady like and gross?

People spit in India. They spit freely, and with surprisingly accurate aim. They spit out the window of their cars, they spit at the bus stop, they spit on do not spit signs, I assume they spit in their homes, possibly in a designated spittoon, they spit next to each others feet, they spit and they spit and they spit as if it were a contest of who could spit the most over a life time.

Most of the spitting seems to happen while chewing paan. I have had paan. The non tobacco kind, and it is pretty nice. Sweet. And it keeps the mouth occupied, maybe preventing bad conversation. But to my surprise, I am not a spitter of paan, I am a swollower. I just could not bring myself to do it. I could not publicly spit. Because, I am a lady.

Sam on the other hand is not a lady. He freely spat his paan all over the place for my photographing pleasure.

What is paan made of? Find out here.

The suicide cow